Katie Holmes is Robotic in W Magazine Interview

Posted on July 11, 2005

Hold on to your hats, TomKat watchers! Katie's upcoming interview with W magazine is really, really odd. In one of the interior photographs, Katie wears a Comme des Garcons inkjet-printed silk gown with silk velvet bow and headpiece, by Rei Kawakubo (which we dearly hope she doesn't choose for her actual wedding).

In the W interview, Katie comes off as a total zombie. In fact, it's clear that she totally freaked out the interviewer. Her Scientology "minder" Jessica Rodriguez sat in on the interview, over the objections of the interviewer. Ms. Rodriguez answered for Katie, at one time telling Katie "You adore him" when Katie didn't answer quickly enough about her feelings for Tom Cruise. The interviewer said she stared into space and answered like an automoton, never straying from her talking points.

Question: Is there anything you guys don't have in common?

Katie: "You know, we appreciate each other."

Question: Has it been a challenge to make his kids feel comfortable?

Katie:"They're just exceptional people."

Question: Isn't it an adjustment to move in with someone-and after only a month? (In late May, Holmes packed up her apartment in Hollywood's El Royale complex and moved into Cruise's Beverly Hills manse.)

Katie:"He's the man of my dreams."

Question: Does he leave his dirty socks on the bedroom floor? Something? Anything?

Katie:"No."

No matter what he asked her she replies with lines such as "I've found the man of my dreams," "I've never met anyone like Tom," and "Tom is the most incredible man in the world." Robert Haskell, the confounded interviewer says "This is how the conversation begins; this is also how it continues, and how it ends. No question can do much to change its course."

Just to drive home the point that Cruise is the most generous man in the world, a minion delivers a gift from Tom: a Chanel diamond necklace that apparently triggers her Cruise Couch Jumping algorithm. On cue, she jumps on the couch yelling, "He's my man! He's my man!" She then announces that she can "do splits too," and demonstrates, adding, "I love him."

The head of the Lawrence Livermore top secret AI/robot technology department told us off the record that her performance actually exceeded the inventors' original expectations for the unit. He also predicted that after a few minor bugs are worked out that Katie 2.0 would be even more impressive.

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